yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
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