Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
