i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
