last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
