Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
