from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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