Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
