don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
How does it feel to date your dad?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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