ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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