everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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