What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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