you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
