it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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