woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
