She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
