For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
