I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
