you didnt know i had herpes?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
