And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
