Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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