I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Randomize
