totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
