remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
