We're facebook friends in real life
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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