if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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