the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
