I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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