I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
