If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
