For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
