im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
This is the prime rib incident all over again
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
