What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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