Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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