you traded sex for a burrito?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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