apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
