Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
