i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
i've created a new STD.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
