I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
