either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
