Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I feel like a drive thru vagina
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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