There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize
