So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
