New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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