3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
