lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Pants are for mortals
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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