I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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