My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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