I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
