Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
