Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
