i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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