I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
