Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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