all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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