I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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